two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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