morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
