somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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