boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
God, I missed his penis.
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