at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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