My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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