there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize