By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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