We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
