I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize