i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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