I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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