Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
