I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
