I hate your face
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
