i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
