Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just had sex on a roof
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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