The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
