you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
sarcasm needs its own font
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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