I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
