He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
