i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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