Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She bit a glass in half.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
