You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
