ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
