Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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