I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
