honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
