I'm going to jail i love you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
