dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
