woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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