ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
