Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
