Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Oh god it's open bar.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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