All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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