Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
