I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
