I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
