Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You can't special order awesome
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
