so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Randomize
