he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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