you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
