Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
