Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
