Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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