Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
