OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
