I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
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