I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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