Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He passed out mid-signature
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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