Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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