made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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