Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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