so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
