Where are you?
In a non slutty way
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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