I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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