I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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