We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
