Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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