So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
