he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
