mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
