What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
