bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My dick has a subreddit
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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