Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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