I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
