Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize