and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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