I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
