Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
